2. A well-regulated army of overweight citizens being necessary to the security of a free capitalist society, the right of the people to bear as much weight as possible shall not be infringed upon (said right does not confer the right to medical treatment resulting from such weight; this would be socialized medicine).
3. No citizen, in a time of peace, should be forced to abide by any rationing or sacrifice of basic needs, nor in a time of war, but in a manner prescribed by law.
4. The right of people to be secure in their three-car garages, bonus rooms, master bedrooms, and island kitchens against reasonable calls for good taste and moderation will not be infringed upon.
5. The right to be able to purchase 500 channels of television, including all sports and entertainment packages, and the right to purchase digital video recording systems with said 500 channels shall not be infringed upon.
6. The right to a warm shower.
7. The right to express righteous indignation on behalf of charitable causes the world over shall not be infringed upon.
8. Excessive critical thinking shall not be required of any citizen, nor excessive intellectual standards imposed on any candidate for public office.
9. The enumeration in this bill of rights of certain consumptive privileges shall not be construed to deny or disparage others of their rights to purchase any other goods or services, no matter how excessive or prodigal.
10. The rights to purchase products and services not delegated by this bill of rights, nor prohibited by the states, are reserved to consumers upon completion of customer satisfaction surveys.
3. No citizen, in a time of peace, should be forced to abide by any rationing or sacrifice of basic needs, nor in a time of war, but in a manner prescribed by law.
4. The right of people to be secure in their three-car garages, bonus rooms, master bedrooms, and island kitchens against reasonable calls for good taste and moderation will not be infringed upon.
5. The right to be able to purchase 500 channels of television, including all sports and entertainment packages, and the right to purchase digital video recording systems with said 500 channels shall not be infringed upon.
6. The right to a warm shower.
7. The right to express righteous indignation on behalf of charitable causes the world over shall not be infringed upon.
8. Excessive critical thinking shall not be required of any citizen, nor excessive intellectual standards imposed on any candidate for public office.
9. The enumeration in this bill of rights of certain consumptive privileges shall not be construed to deny or disparage others of their rights to purchase any other goods or services, no matter how excessive or prodigal.
10. The rights to purchase products and services not delegated by this bill of rights, nor prohibited by the states, are reserved to consumers upon completion of customer satisfaction surveys.
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